If you follow me on the distracting thing known as Twitter you may or may not have seen me tweet about Animus, the muse… He’s distracting, snarky, rude, annoying, self centered, egotistical, and flirty. Yes, I deal with this daily. When he’s overly cocky and annoying I tend to tie him up and toss him in the closet. However; I fear this does little to no good.

Animus: Hell no it doesn’t! I like that shit. Tie me up. Spank me. Do it woman.

Lor: -sigh- An, I’m trying to do a blog post here…

Animus: Duh, you idiot that’s why I’m here. I’m the inspiration behind this shit.

Lor: -ignores him-

As I was saying he interferes with normal everyday activities. I can be sitting with family at dinner and BAM another book or series WIPs me across the face and I know it’s all his fault. I hear him laughing in the recesses of my mind for WIPing me across the face. He enjoys giving me ideas when I can’t properly jot them down.

Animus: HEY! Woman! Stop ignoring me! I’m talking to you!

I’ve even had family members ask if I’m okay because I stopped eating and looked off into space. I of course couldn’t tell them, ‘Oh, I’m fine. My muse just hit me hard.’

Animus: Hell yeah I hit you and you liked it. You pervert. Stay still so I can do it again.

Lor: -eye twitch- I’m losing my patience, Animus.

Animus: Ohhhh, I’m so scared. The witty bitty author is getting angry. I’m cowering in my custom made baby dinosaur leather boots.

Lor: Dude, dinosaurs are extinct!

Animus: -laughs- I was around back than sugar. Why do you think I gave you the Dinosaur Island idea?

Lor: -deep breath- Can I write my blog post in peace now?

Animus: -smirks- Sure. Sure. Sure. Do what you want. -walks over to the other office chair and twirls crossing his legs- I’ll just be right here. In this chair. Minding my own business. -twirls and examines his nails- I think I need a manicure.

Now do you see twitter? Do you understand now why I say I lock him in the closet? He’s infuriating!

Animus: Woman! Do you think Ryan will let me borrow those delicious heels? I mean it’s not like he’s going to use them anytime soon.

He constantly interrupts me while he’s around which here lately is a lot. Sometimes all I want to do is sit and relax, read a book, read my own book, watch Netflix but nooooo. The son of a bitch feels the need to tell me everything he and one of my characters talked about.

Animus: Hey! What does this do?!

Lor: -looks- O.O DON’T TOUCH THAT!!!!

Animus: Chill out. No wonder the boys feel the need to fuck you all the time. -plops back in chair- It mellows you out.

Lor: Animus.

Animus: You didn’t get laid today did you?

Lor: -eye twitch- Animus.

Animus: No, no, you didn’t. -leans in and whispers- It totally shows.

Lor: I’m going to kill you.

Animus: No you won’t. -hops up to look over Lor’s shoulder- Without me you suck.

Lor: -twitch- Animus. Sit. Down.

Animus: -twirls away- I need a manicure.

Okay, if it wasn’t apparent before do you see it now? He’s insatiable and annoying.

Animus: Woman! Can I have this?

Lor: ANIMUS!

Animus: Uh… oh…

If you reading lot would excuse me… I’ve a muse to abuse.

Animus: Now, Lor, let’s talk about this. -backs away-

Lor: -growls- I’m going to hurt you.

Animus: -swallows- Can’t we talk about this? Lor…? … Lor…?